Warning: This post deals with emotions and feelz big time. If you’re only interested in happy fun time, this is not the post for you. In this post, I type, uncensored and honestly, about my biggest insecurity. If you want a real, honest, and raw blog post from a real person pouring her heart out, read on…
I’m still shaking from the most moving musical experience I think I’ve ever witnessed in my life…
Ok, somehow I have never heard Susan Boyle until today! How the heck did that happen?!? I watched her first appearance on Britain’s Got Talent today (“I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables). Of course, I knew a little about her story – that she was kind of a quirky older lady whom people brushed away at first because of her looks, and that she turned out to be an amazing singer. Obviously, I knew what song she sang long ago.
But really, I wasn’t prepared for this:
I thought she was cute and saucy when she introduced herself. I can see how the average person might not think much of her, because people generally go by preconceived notions. But when she sang that first line… I just burst into tears. Not a few tears here and there. I was sobbing. That performance is the single most moving musical experience I have ever had in my life. This wonderful, beautiful, strong woman – who knows she’s not what media is usually looking for – has the courage to go up there and show everyone who she truly is. Susan Boyle completely owned that performance. I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am for her that she got the recognition she deserves.
This is the biggest inspiration I could ever have. If this woman could be strong enough to admit on a worldwide show that she’s never been kissed, then get up on that stage and have such presence and courage to blow everyone out of the water like that, surely I can be strong as well!
You see… I love music – particularly, I love to sing – and I was very serious about vocal training and performance all throughout school. However, shortly after I turned 18, I developed a skin condition – an extremely aggressive, vengeful form of acne. It disfigured my face in a matter of months and left scar tissue all over. I’m still working on getting rid of it as best as I can without being able to go to a dermatologist. When it first started getting really bad and noticeable, and I realized that it wasn’t going away, I kind of gave up my dream of performing, or even being a professional costume designer/wardrobe assistant. I figured no one would want to have me perform as anything other than a zombie ever again.
Before you say “No, Miyu, it can’t be that bad”… A cashier decided to tell me just how amazing and realistic she thought my zombie/undead makeup was, and wanted to know how I did it (it was a week before Halloween). Others have asked if someone threw acid on my face, if I was burned in a fire, if I am severely allergic to bees and got stung once… There’s worse, but I don’t need to go into all that. Just knowing that, at least at one point in my life, it was THAT bad is enough.
People still stare at me like I’m a freak. Then again, I don’t currently live in the… ahem… most progressive of locales. If I go in a gas station by myself, it’s like the circus sideshow just waltzed in the door.
It all still makes me want to don a Phantom mask and pour out my feelings into an organ (a carillon set would also work nicely). Instead, I have this keyboard, and this blog is my lair. I really do know how “poor, pitiful Erik” must have felt. Thankfully, I live in a world with high-class cosmetic techniques. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to do what Erik never could, and change my disfigurement.
Until then, I will keep Susan Boyle’s spirit in my heart. I will stay strong and believe in myself.
Yes, this post is pretty much in no way about costuming. However, as I stated earlier, this is my lair, and I’ll say what I darn well please. This is my creative sanctuary, and if I feel a topic is relevant, then it is. I will try to give warning any time the content is going to deviate too far from costume-related talk, as I did on this post.